He Said His Life Wasn't Worth Living, But With Persistence He Transformed.

It was just an incredible moment in my life to get to experience the breakthrough of my friend from his suffering. He had been in a couple of the relationship that left him severely heartbroken. He lost hope, lost the designer to live. He said to me that he doesn’t see any reasons why he has to get up every morning any longer when there is no one there for him to wake up with, to hug and hold, and to share the intimacy with. This is the first time for me to have a friend who admitted that he didn’t mind to die. The first time when I heard it, I felt like the heat in my body was rapidly sucked away, and I got really chilled. The very first thought I had was what can I do or say to gear him away from it. Luckily, I have some useful information about him such as he has been meditation for a long time. He has read many amazing Buddhist’s books, and has appreciated and practiced the wisdom from it. On top of it, we have had countless discussion about lives through the lens of its philosophy, so I had hope.

We talked about the freedom which each individual has to create his or her life regardless of situation. This topic was quite tough to discuss especially to my friend who felt strongly about how poorly his partner treated him compared with how he treated her. This topic is hard for him, it’s hard for me, and it’s hard to all of us to agree and do. We are good human beings, we are doing the right things, care for others, mindful of our actions, have good intention, so everyone else should treat us nicely, or at least do the same as we do. But don’t you think everyone of us trying our best to do the right things, care for others, mindful of our actions, and have good intention, they just don’t dress the same from one person to the others. We grow up from different environments (family, school, society), how can we expect others to acts upon these human behaviors in the same format when maybe our intention is on the same page. When we come in conflict with others or feel discomfort with their actions, the very first wisdom to embody immediately is this, so we can stay calm and tranquil. When we are in the state of peace, our response will be more productive, and will create a greater result. Respecting the idea of individual’s freedom to be who we are helps us to see that truthfully human beings actions mostly never mean to hurt others, but a reflection of oneself and one belief at the moment. I reminded my friend that you are passion for the right to create your life, also does she, and so does everyone else. You have to respect hers as much as your respect yours.

We talked about the impermanent of thoughts, words, actions, of anything and everything. He mentioned that his partner said one thing to him in the past which at a time it was about committing to nurture the relationship best or worst, then later said something else completely different like there were nothing else worth working toward for their relationship. He wanted to hold her accountable to her words. I reminded him that there is never permanent of anything, not our lives, houses, cars, ages, health…..etc. Everything flows with time. We are a part of the world which in itself turns continuously, so go against the fact is the key ingredient of pain, sorrow, and despair. We can’t stop time, we can’t stop changes, plus we never stop ourselves from creating ideas, dreams, and desires when we are arrived at new circumstances, so thoughts, words, and actions of oneself can’t be nail down in one place. The moment will bring about new ways of looking at things, and since everyone is free to live their lives, so their words and actions can shift to suite their best at the moment. We may disagree, but we aren’t a matter of someone else life but ourselves. This wisdom when we can fully embrace, then we will be in a loving, peaceful state of mine to handle situations.

We talked about the unhealthy & unhappy consequences of clinging, attachment versa the healthy & happy results of acceptance and respect the moment. It is hard to cultivate the healthy benefit of acceptance intellectually when emotionally he wanted his pain to be recognized by her. I told him as much as I was surprised by his extreme depression, but I respected him in that moment which he was sad, angry, and lost. I assured to him that “you are where you supposed to be”. So, he could cry, angry, complain as much as he wanted to. I generously offered myself listening, checked in, and kept exchanging some wisdom.

After the very first conversation we had, we kept having the same conversation over and over. He kept reading Buddhism’s book, doing mediation, going to meditation retreats when he could. Last Sunday, he went to the meditation retreat again, but this one he had a breakthrough. I asked him “what were the differences this time?” He said he was able to make a solid commitment to himself to face (accept) the truth, his pain, his expectation, and her actions. He told himself, no need to understand why she did what she did, just see/feel/smell/embrace them as they are. So while he was in the meditative state of mind, the mind was shifted itself. It’s letting it go from the stories which he created like a boat flows away from its anchor after it’s released. The energy was used to fight against the truth which so effortful became effortless and floated with the truth. He felt lighter. His heart felt lighter. His mind/body/heart/spirit felt relax, content, and at peace.

I made a joke that we should pinpoint what exactly he has done in order to experience the transformation, so we could make a million dollar from it :) We agree that at that very solid commitment which he was unwaveringly willing to face the truth was the turning point. We agree that the persistence with meditation, and cultivate value life wisdom are must and should be forever habits. Also, having a person who can be there for you, with you, listening to you, respect where you are, who you are, and keep suggesting your ways out is vital. Plus to let any feeling at the moment has freedom to express can’t be underestimated.

I had blissful tears when he delivered the news. I bowed to God and Universe after I hung out the phone for not giving up on him, and myself.

I'm forever grateful,

#transformation #unwavering #commitment